Midnight Blues

As people says as you being alone you will think alot of stuff. Not alone as in single but when you're in a big house and theres no one ala you know that kind of moment. and for me tonight is the night. where all sorts of minds, thoughts everything are gathered here in my tiny brain and waiting for me to pass it one by one. I've thinking about my life. Everything. About me, studies, family, God, relationships and more of that kind of stuff. As im thinking about my studies i still have 2 more years to go and thats if "insyallah" i finish it on time and no stuck in the way of doing it. college life has being unfair . as usual life itself it not fair right..so we just kinda have to suck it up and finish it up asap! family wise...maybe im not being good enough to my family. to my parents i should been more responsible and be good to them . interact more with and stuff.my sister and brother maybe i should be more supportive to them than nag them to hell about how to clean up you toilet and stuff..haha but yea being good to them its not gonna cost me a thing in fact it would be better between us. so i should be good to them from now one. Not drastically but a bit by bit is enough. God . ahhh im not gonna tlk about this. I'll have to handle it with spiritual me to change from bad to good. Do more good to the world for god sake. Relationship. ah the most common problem for me from the beginning. I've never had a good one from the start so maybe its a taboo that if you start with a bad one it will continue on forever. Maybe thats what happen in my case. From the first to the second and to the third. It never been the way i want it to be or maybe just because im not good enough for them or maybe they deserve a better one. Who knows...you just follow what you want and see how it goes along the way. Maybe you learn something from it and it makes you get the idea of how it works. But if it really love and not like. if i love someone maybe i would do anything from him. after the trauma of the first which i cried for a week for it and it goes on and on and on until i never see his face again. after the incident i've never say" i love you" anymore. It just make me realize that its not easy to say the word if you really dun mean it. As what my friend said maybe my heart has turn into a rock. I've got no feelings for anyone for over ?? years. im just cold around people and with my high ego that never goes down. maybe thats the reason people wont approach me..haha i guess so. adding to it is my temper. huah..too much to handle! im so pity and salute to whomever can tolerate with me in these past years. but maybe with the right guy or partner all of it will be invisible. who would know..We just plan it and god will decide whether to give chance to us to make it happen. All i can say thank you to the people who always been there for me and suck all my temper/ego up. you guys rocks :)